


The Accidental War

by literaryshoes



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Classic Who Secret Santa, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:56:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3072263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literaryshoes/pseuds/literaryshoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the prompt "Now look what you've done!"</p>
<p>A Tumblr Classic Who Secret Santa gift for Tumblr user intimeofperil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Accidental War

The console room echoed with the sounds of materialization. The Doctor leaned back, a triumphant smile on his face. "Ha! See? I told you the old girl was just being stubborn."

"Yeah, yeah, Doc, that's great and all, but this time can we actually get out there and do something? The TARDIS might be dimensionally transcendent and all, but even she can't completely get rid of cabin fever," Frobisher replied. 

The Doctor sighed. "What do you think, Evelyn?" 

The smile on Evelyn's face was apologetic. "It would be nice to explore somewhere new for a while." 

"Very well, then," said the Doctor, though it was clear he was less than enthusiastic about the idea. It was more difficult dealing with the TARDIS than either Frobisher or Evelyn seemed to realize, and having gotten her under some small amount of control was something to celebrate. He wanted to take advantage of it while he could, but it seemed he'd been outvoted. With an almost silent sigh, he pressed a button on the console, and the doors swung inward. 

The three of them stepped out, the TARDIS doors closing behind them. They seemed to have landed inside some kind of stone building, the walls illuminated by slightly green fluorescent tube lighting. The corridor they'd landed in was rather narrow, just wide enough for the TARDIS to fit at one end, so the three of them walked in single file: the Doctor in front, followed by Evelyn, Frobisher at the rear. There were two doors at the other end of the corridor: one leading left and one leading right. The Doctor considered for a moment, then opened the door on the right. "Remember that old adage about the labyrinth."

"Do you really think that will be necessary?" asked Evelyn, and the Doctor realized he'd spoken aloud. He gave her a conciliatory smile. 

"No, almost certainly not," said the Doctor. "Still, it never hurts to be cautious. Come on." 

The door led to a large dining room, with two long wooden tables pushed together. The walls were covered with flags of various shapes and sizes. One table was dressed in a teal-colored tablecloth, the other in a burnt orange. Both tables were set with delicate-looking teacups and saucers made of the same kind of stone as the walls. The three of them spread out around the room, the Doctor examining the tablecloths, Evelyn taking a closer look at the flags on the walls and Frobisher making his way towards a door on the opposite side of the room. 

Without warning, the door swung open, and a person in a long teal robe entered the room, holding a teapot. He let out a startled yell at the sight of Frobisher, but quickly regained his composure. "Hello," he said. "Are you going to be our guest this afternoon?" 

"Um... yes, I think," said Frobisher. "Hey, Doc! There's people here!" 

The Doctor walked over to the man, Evelyn close behind him. "Hello. I'm the Doctor, and this is Frobisher and Evelyn Smythe." 

"How do you do," said Evelyn. 

"We're travelers. We're just visiting this place for a short while. Now, I'm aware that this will sound like an incredibly silly question, and forgive me for having to ask it, but you see, my friends and I seem to have gotten ourselves lost. Might we ask where we are?" The Doctor was far more sycophantic than usual, but it was only because he was nervous. 

He needn't have been, because the man in the teal robes smiled broadly. "That's quite all right, sir. This is the Hall of Friendship, which was built in the exact geographical center of the continent, to commemorate the Great Armistice." 

"Oh, I see," said the Doctor. "Fascinating. And these flags here, are they countries?" 

"City-states," said the man in the teal robes. "Together they are the two Great States. Afalion in orange, and Marell in teal." 

"And you're from Marell?" said Evelyn. 

"Oh, no!" said the man. "I'm from Afalion! It's custom for each of the Great States to wear the colors of the other. Every afternoon we sit together and drink a beverage brewed from a combination of the symbolic plants of both Great States." 

"That sounds lovely," said Evelyn. 

"It is," said the man. "It was actually originally instated as a condition of the armistice, but we've come to enjoy it very much. Were you planning to stay for the ceremony this afternoon?" 

"Oh, um..." Frobisher began. 

"We'd love to," finished Evelyn. This actually sounded pleasant. No monsters, no one trying to kill them, no one fighting each other. It really just sounded rather like a pleasant afternoon tea. 

The Doctor gave Evelyn an odd look, but nodded. "Yes, that would be nice." 

"Wonderful," said the man. "You are honored guests, and as such you need not worry about which side you will sit on. Just choose whichever place you would like to sit." 

"We will, thank you," said the Doctor. "Come on, you two. We'd better find our seats." 

The three of them chose seats at the table with the teal cloth, not certain as to whether the opposite side rule applied to the tables as well as the clothing. A few moments later, the door opened again, and this time a steady stream of people came through. None of them acted the slightest bit surprised to see Evelyn, nor the Doctor, despite his rainbow-colored clothing, nor even Frobisher. However, they were met with enthusiastic greetings, welcomes and inquiries as to their well-being. This was rather nice, the Doctor had to admit. 

A few moments later, silence fell, as attendants dressed in the colors of both Marell and Afalion entered, carrying heavy-looking cast-iron teapots. Silently, they walked around the two tables, filling everyone's cup, each time receiving the words "Thank you" in response. 

The attendant stopped in front of the Doctor, pouring him a cup of tea. "Thank you," said the Doctor, lifting the cup. As he raised it to his face, he stopped, and a moment later sneezed, mercifully not spilling any tea on himself or anyone nearby. Rosemary tea? How extraordinarily odd. "Please, forgive me for not drinking. I seem to be allergic to one of these ingredients." 

"Perfectly all right. Thank you," said the attendant. The Doctor wasn't certain what he was thanking him for, but he nodded. 

Evelyn was next, and she received her cup of tea with a "Thank you," the same as everyone else had. She turned to the Doctor once the attendant had passed, muttering, "I much prefer hot chocolate, but this will do." 

Frobisher was the last to be served. As the attendant moved to pour him a cup of tea, he held a flipper over the cup. "No, thank you. I'm not thirsty." 

Every head in the room turned to stare at him, including the Doctor's and Evelyn's, both of whom were glaring at him. 

"What?" said Frobisher. "I'm not thirsty. I don't want any tea." 

One of the people dressed in orange leaped up from his table. "When a guest refuses the tea, it is to be considered an act of aggression by the country under whose jurisdiction they fall! Afalion has just declared war!" 

" _What?_ " said the Doctor, but it was drowned out by a sudden uproar. Everyone in the hall had taken to their feet, all of them shouting at each other. The Doctor frowned down at Frobisher. "Now look what you've done!" 

"What, me? How was I supposed to know that not being thirsty would turn out to be a declaration of war? This is insane!" Frobisher said. 

"Let's get out of here!" cried Evelyn. 

"I agree," said the Doctor, taking Evelyn's hand and Frobisher's flipper, ignoring Frobisher's protest that he could find his own way. He pushed his way through the now-belligerent crowd, finding it difficult. Eventually they reached the door that led to the corridor, and the Doctor pushed Evelyn through, then Frobisher, before pulling the door closed behind him with a loud _thud_. 

"What was all that about?" asked Evelyn. 

"I suspect their hospitality was more of an act than anything else," said the Doctor. "All they needed was an excuse to start fighting again." He sighed. "If it hadn't been Frobisher refusing the tea, it would have been someone saying 'Thank you' too loudly, or someone spilling their tea." He shook his head. "Bureaucracy and belligerence. A rather nasty combination. Well, I suppose there's nothing for it, then. We'll just have to leave." Once again, he led the three of them back to the TARDIS. "Come on, then, old girl. Somewhere the hospitality is genuine would be a pleasant change." The sound of the TARDIS dematerializing rang out, and in a few moments they were gone.


End file.
